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tante misterius

Someone's been haunting me for the past few weeks of my peaceful (read:boring) holiday. Who can it beee??

*deng deeeng*

I remember my convo with one of my best friend, nopha;
Me: I see her EVERYWHERE
Nopha: *LOL* ha, maybe dia berjodoh ma loe!

Kata keramat itu jadi terngiang-ngiang: jodohjodohjodohjodoh
Tobat lah jodoh sama tante itu...

So, who is this tante geje??

The story begins few years back, when I was still in high school. Me and some of my friends used to help the church's kantin -> actually, it's not much of a kantin, cuma ada 1 display dijejali berbagai makanan ringan dan berat dan recehan kalo ada orang ngamen. Yang terakhir bohong ding, orang ngamen kalo masuk pasti dah disetrum dulu sampe gosong sama security. Tapi itu juga bohong. Halah.

Nah ternyata, as young and fabulous teenagers, tante-tante pengurus komisi wanita rupanya ga 100% percaya sama kitekite. Hal ini was proven dengan ditempatkannya seorang anjing galak...I mean tante-tante buat mengawasi kita. Bahasa kerennya supervisor gituloh.

But! This tante was an evil godmother *loh?*. She was the most annoying tante ever lived in my kampung halaman!! No kidding! Her face is full of wrinkles, and she has a permanent frown on her face, and her hair was dyed with some oogly colour. I believe she's younger than she looks. Anyway, she always have the pissed off look that can kill any coro. She's annoying, totally. She's supposed to help, but she's to sotoy to trust anyone, she's too hyper and to pissed and too random and and and...beyond words.

ONE PEACEFUL SUNDAY, we were helping there. My friends, my beloved friends, I believe all of you do aware that accidents happen anywhere everywhere, RIGHT?? RIIIGHT?? So that day, a plastik of bakso kuah just popped accidentally *can't remember how nor who did that*. Then all I could remember was...TANTE GEJE TO THE RESCUE!!! *pamparapaaam*

She grabbed the bakso, poured the leftover of the kuah to a new plastic bag, and dashed to the restroom. WHY RESTROOM?? GOD, WHY??? Ehm. Anyway, she appeared with a grin *but the permanent frown is permanent*, a winning grin as if she just did something worth nobel prize-winning. Later on, she told us.

Tante GEJE: "Sayang kalo dibuang, ini masih bersih kok. Tak cuci di wastafel tadi, pake sabun."
Anak-anak muda yang malang: "..." *wajah pucat pasi yang kemudian berubah dari ungu ke hijau ke abu-abu karena jijik*

Pesan moral: budayakan makanan instan, aman terpercaya. jangan terima bila kemasan rusak.

When I graduated, I tot I won't meet this tante geje ever again. Apparently, I was wrong. Since the day I went back from Melbourne for my summer hol, I've seen her for lotsa time already.

Sighting #1
I was out for lunch with my dad di rumah makan in a street known as gang 1. Tante geje was spotted, helping out there. I felt nauseatic somehow. Could it be...

Sighting #2
Every weekend, my dad will visit my grandma. My grandma has a jewelry store that is now run by my aunt. TANTE GEJE WAS HELPING THERE. With her permanent frown and cold stare. I feel so unsafe.

Sighting #3
I forgot where I went to, but when I got home, I saw tante geje buying nasi tahu beside my house. *shivers*

Sighting #4
I was in my car, going home after dinner. Tante geje was walking on the side walk, going somewhere only heaven knos.

Sighting #5
It's not a sighting anymore, it's an encounter!!!
So, I was eating at the same place where sighting #1 happened. As I expected, tante geje was there, helping. While I was eating, she washed her hand twice in 3 minutes, while staring at my table (or maybe me, or my dad!). Then she asked my dad about my aunt's housekeeper and yaddayadayadda. When my dad was paying the bill, she suddenly asked for a ride to "blahblahblah" (her language and accent was too advanced to be understood). I was shivering. My dad tried to refuse, but this tante was too ngilfilin. After tense minutes passed, she got in the car without anyone's permission =.= Hmm. Hmmmmm. Anyway. That was so random. She was in the car for about 5 minutes only, because apparently we're not going to the same direction. She was so impatient!

Tante geje: Yaudah turunin di onde-onde aja
Dad: yo *pasrah*
Sopir: iya bentar, ga bisa
Dad: omongmu, aku ditangkep polisi nanti *mobil udah jalan ke pinggiran siap buat ngelempar tante2 itu kluar*
Tante geje: Halah ditangkep polisi opo, orak ono! yo wes tak turun sini.
My dad, me, sopir: ...

Finally peace returns to my car...Omg omg omg.
Meh. What a random tante.
Oh she dyed her hair black now.
I think white suits you better, tante.

1 comment:

Dinata V said...

Mehhhh????Wth is that???
She deserves a nobel prize as a founder of sekte sesat resek